VICE PRESIDENT SAYS LESBIAN DAUGHTER IS NOT PREGNANT AFTER ALL

As White House operatives escorted Mary Cheney to a back alley where an unnamed man in a surgical mask and gloves was waiting, Dick Cheney told the press corps that his daughter was not pregnant after all. "It turns out the e.p.t.® pregnancy test was a false positive," the Vice President said. "My daughter will not be having a child. She realizes it is not in the best interest of the party…I mean...of the child...rather...'a' child...to grow up with two mothers. Love and an Indigo Girls album can’t replace a mom and a dad.”