MICHAEL RICHARDS TO SPEND FESTIVUS WITH THE TROOPS

Michael Richards will spend Festivus—the holiday introduced on Seinfeld—with a platoon of mostly African American troops in Iraq, his publicist said. “Since Kwanzaa was already booked by Condoleezza Rice, this was his next choice. Michael lives by the tenets of this nondenominational, unmaterialistic holiday, with its slogan, “A Festivus for the rest of us.” Not only is an aluminum pole used in lieu of a Christmas tree, the holiday includes the 'Airing of Grievances,' in which each person tells everyone all the ways they've disappointed him or her over the past year. Ummm…I just remembered my client has a previous engagement and will not be able to attend the festivities.”