BUSH NOMINATES MICHAEL BOLTON FOR U.N. AMBASSADOR

After John Bolton announced he would step down as U.N. Ambassador, President Bush declared he would nominate Michael Bolton to take his place. “Not only do we already have half the words right on his U.N. nameplate, he represents a diverse group of folks, which is what the U.N. is all about,” said the President. “He’s worked with Patti LaBelle, Babyface, Ray Charles and B.B. King, so we know he can get along with the Africans. Then there’s Barbra Streisand, Kenny G and Bob Dylan, so he’s good with the Jews. And he sung with Plácido Domingo and Luciano Pavarotti, so we got the Italians covered. I don’t know of any Bulgarians he’s performed with, but I’m sure if the job ever requires him to go to Bulgary, he’ll be up to the task.”