JANET JACKSON’S RIGHT BREAST ENTERS REHAB

Singer Janet Jackson’s once-perky right breast was seen entering the Betty Ford Center on Tuesday, sources close to the breast said. “That titty was hittin’ the city,” said Jackson’s upper torso personal trainer. “After the damn Super Bowl, she just got too big for her brassiere. That knocker’s a real party animal.” Reports were confirmed that the breast’s quest for the public eye, coupled with her dejected left breast leaving her, resulted in her having a good heart to heart with herself. “I realized it’s lonely out of the top,” she confided. “I gotta sober up so girlfriend’ll come home. We got some serious mending to do.”