SKINNY OPRAH BEEFS UP SECURITY

Rather than simply refraining from stocking her home with fattening foods, Oprah Winfrey has hired a SWAT team to man her refrigerator. Her new low-calorie security system also includes a sharpshooter to take out any pizza delivery vehicles, ice cream trucks or catering trailers who are seen driving by her estate. “The skinny Oprah doesn’t just happen by herself,” she said. “It takes a village.”