JANET JACKSON’S LEFT BREAST ANNOUNCES TRIAL SEPARATION

The dejected left bosom of singer Janet Jackson called a breast conference today to announce that she is parting company with her overexposed, celebrity counterpart. Since the Super Bowl, ongoing confrontations have arisen between the two. “Girlfriend, why are you trying to bring me down?” said the ever-perky right breast. “I take you to parties…you get to hang with my peeps…” “But no one even knows I’m alive!” cried the mirthless left breast. A mammary psychologist with the Johns Hopkins Medical Institute explains, “One breast is often preferred over the other for a variety of reasons. As a result, it is not uncommon for the less popular hooter to lose its joie de vivre. In this particular instance, she just needs to get out more.” An exasperated Janet Jackson was overheard berating them both in public, saying, “Can’t we all just get along?”