BUSH’S APPROVAL RATINGS SOAR AFTER STATE OF THE UNION ADDRESS

Just one day after the majority of Americans said they would feel safer if Osama bin Laden were running the country, President Bush is once again considered to be a smart, determined and caring leader, according to a top likeability pollster. “Radio listeners heard the uproarious applause he received, and television viewers saw the countless standing ovations he got from Congress and figured they couldn't all be wrong,” she said. Apparently, even his harshest critics were sold. “Did you hear him talk about energy independence? He’s a lean, green environmental machine,” proclaimed Al Gore. “It turns out he wants to save Darfur after all,” a teary Kofi Annan declared. “Finally, he’s going to make healthcare affordable for all Americans,” said an impressed Hillary Clinton. “I'm just glad he can't run for a third term, or I'd be in real trouble.”