86% OF AMERICANS THINK THEY WOULD BE SAFER IF OSAMA BIN LADEN WERE PRESIDENT

On the day of the President’s State of the Union address, a poll showed that a majority of Americans would feel safer with Osama bin Laden as their commander-in-chief. “Bin Laden never had to strut around on a boat with a sign telling you he got the job done,” said bricklayer Tom Johnson of Fort Wayne, Indiana. “You could see when his mission was accomplished. And it only took 19 soldiers for him to win. He’s a smart, efficient leader with a clear strategy. Plus, the suicide bombers got rewarded with 40 virgins for their sacrifice. What does Bush offer his troops? A chance to spread democracy throughout the Middle East. How stingy can you get?"