GOP FACTIONS MAY LEAD TO SECTARIAN VIOLENCE

After years of unbridled party devotion to President Bush, Congressional Republicans are suddenly fractured as members of the minority. Some have deserted the White House on Iraq, while others are bolting from their leadership on popular domestic issues. “This is a time that we might regret our lenient attitude toward firearms,” said Senator Chuck Hagel, a Republican ‘Shiite.’ Senator Trent Lott, a Republican ‘Sunni,’ strongly disagreed. “Guns are the only thing preventing us from killing each other in there, so don’t pooh-pooh my AK-47.” The two factions have been purportedly sitting in opposing sections of the Senate chamber and are wearing Kevlar body armor under their Washington business attire.