PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATES SEEN CRUISING IN WASHINGTON'S RED LIGHT DISTRICT

Political strategists say that since this will be the first campaign in which all serious candidates for the presidential nomination will opt out of the public-financing system in order to raise an unlimited amount on their own, a red light district has been established in Washington to solicit funds. Hillary Clinton was seen strolling suggestively in a red silk negligee as Senator Barry O’Bama (formerly Barack Obama) was provocatively packing a pair of black Calvin Klein briefs. Senator John McCain was cruising in a Hugh Hefner-style velvet smoking jacket, while former New York mayor Rudy Giuliani showed off his assets in a spandex G-string with a see-through mesh pouch. Sources say that a man in a big hat, trench coat and feather boa will be in charge of safekeeping their funds.