WOMAN SEEKS INTIMACY IN BLUE SHIELD NETWORK

The Blue Shield network has reported repeated incidents of a large, appearance-challenged woman who goes from doctor to doctor with questionable maladies—all in the hopes of taking her clothes off. When asked the reason for her visit, she says such things as, “My liver feels tight. Should I take off these restrictive undergarments so you can inspect it?” or “I’m having really bad acid reflux. Let me unstrap my bra and show you.” Finally, during her HMO dental appointment, the jig was up when the dentist left for a moment to restock his floss supply and returned to find her buck naked in the dental chair. “I think I have a cavity that needs filling,” she said unconvincingly. With the exception of the psychiatric sector, she has since been blackballed from the Blue Shield network.