BUSH TELLS THE PEOPLE OF DARFUR TO GO SHOPPING

In the wake of a gross humanitarian catastrophe, President Bush told the people of Darfur that the best way to resolve their situation is to go shopping. “I know it’s not fun bein’ in a genocide,” he tried to reassure them, “But the best thing you can do in times like these is to jump-start the economy by goin’ out and buyin’ a new refrigerator or washing machine.” The President vehemently rejected the U.N. strategy of employing a large peacekeeping force in the area and said that once Halliburton builds the necessary infrastructure, the 450,000 misplaced refugees will be able to reach retailers in the area. “I’m very optimistic,” he told them.