TROOPS DEMAND NEW UNIFORMS TO REFLECT CURRENT MORALE

It is reported that the troops in Iraq, suffering from an all-time low morale, have demanded new uniforms to reflect their current state of mind. The new “I’m Not With Stupid” flak jackets don a smiling, toothless President Bush with a two-fingered peace sign behind his head. The back says, “But I Could Kick Your Ass If I Wanted To.” The meticulously worded uniform was designed as a secret peace initiative between the U.S. and the enemy—behind Bush’s back—while reinforcing their military might, should they choose to be the savage imperialist warmongers that the commander in chief demands of them. The new uniforms are said to have already produced results as countless would-be suicide bombers now say they want to live.