BUSH FINDS EXIT STRATEGY IN PARAGUAY

As the pressure mounts in his administration, President Bush is said to be more than ready to settle into his future home in Paraguay. Architects are purportedly hard at work designing “Hacienda Neocon,” where it is said he will spend the remainder of his days. His final home will have an adobe and kevlar exterior, a sharpshooter-guarded couch and remote, and a pinto-bean-shaped swimming pool with special bulletproof water. Pundits have surmised that the President made his six-day Latin American trip last week as an attempt to mend fences with that part of the world before claiming it as his. It is said he will leave Washington the minute he gets the official word of his Crimes Against Humanity charges.