RAT POISON FOUND IN KARL ROVE’S WET FOOD

Representatives from Menu Foods have disputed claims that the “Tasty Fixins In Sauce” Karl Rove is known to indulge in was tainted with rat poison. “No one else has reported illness from this product, therefore, we suspect foul play,” said the company's CEO. Rove is said to have only suffered mild symptoms and was seen in the White House afterwards working on the “Hillary’s Lesbian Lovers Speak Out” internet video. A security camera caught the White House chef telling his #2 saucier, “We caught the rat, but he escaped. Only when you finish the job will you be promoted from hollandaise to bernaise."