JEB BUSH CAN'T GET INTO THE UNIVERSITY OF FLORIDA

Former Gov. Jeb Bush was denied an honorary degree at the University of Florida as a result of a 38-28 vote. He was said to be rejected for a variety of reasons, but one concern was his educational record. “While his SATs were 1460 points higher than his older brother’s, we did not think he had the adequate intellect to excel at this institution,” said a senior. Some critics used an anti-nepotist platform to substantiate their "nay" votes. “I don’t care who his pappy or grandpappy was. Jeb Bush is simply not up to sawing in the same woodshop as Bob Vila or punting on the same football field as Emmitt Smith—two of our finest alumni,” said the dean of PE. “I suggest he either try getting into a community college or running for president.”