U.S. OFFICIALS DISPUTE CONFESSED TERRORIST’S CLAIMS

Khalid Sheikh Mohammed's claim he was responsible for dozens of successful and foiled terrorist attacks in the last 15 years relies on a loose definition of the word "responsible," said U.S. officials. “While he is taking credit for the attempted shoe bomb plot in London, in reality, he was only responsible for the shoeshine," said one official. “As far as the Bali nightclub bombing, he apparently was the cruel ironist who had the deejay play ‘I Will Survive.’ And while he claims to have masterminded the Sept. 11 attacks, his part was to program an email alert in the 19 terrorists’ computers so they would receive a reminder 15 minutes before the attack.” A prominent thug psychiatrist noted, “This is very typical. I have never known a criminal that didn't exaggerate. I think President Bush’s ‘Mission Accomplished’ pretty much says it all.”