US TROOPS NOT HAPPY WITH HALLIBURTON TOILET PAPER

US soldiers have expressed anger over the quality of toilet paper that Halliburton is providing the military with, saying it’s at least one inch narrower than normal rolls and is the cause of unwelcome racing stripes. “We want to assure the government that we’re willing to go over and above the call of duty to get these stains out and to provide the best laundry service available for $98 a load,” said Halliburton’s CEO. “We’re also giving Uncle Sam a rock-bottom price on the troops’ daily rations of chile con carne and prune smoothies—two Halliburton staples.”