TROOP SURGE DECISION TO BE DETERMINED BY TREE-ATHLETES

As the President spends his weekend cutting cedar on his Texas ranch, he will be surrounded by people from both sides of the fence—those who oppose sending more troops to Iraq and those who are on board. A close advisor said Bush will make his decision based on the winner of a "tree-athlon." The pro and con teams will be tested on log cutting, kindling gathering and stacking speed. “I’m not gonna take advice as important as this from a bunch of sissies," said the President. “You’re gonna have to earn my confidence.” His advisor said behind closed doors that the President is both up a tree and out of his tree. "I just don't want to be around when he yells, 'Timber.'"