NEW CONGRESS READY TO COMPROMISE

Democrats took control of the 110th Congress on Thursday, promising to work with President Bush to end the partisan politics that have been so deleterious to the country. “Rather than challenging the President with issues like impeachment, we will put the past behind us so we can begin to compromise America’s future,” said an anonymous leader of the House or Senate. “If the President wants to send 20,000 additional troops to Iraq, we will agree to 10,000. If he wants to torture prisoners, we will agree to a few light blows. And if he insists on wiretapping the American people's phone calls, the NSA will be allowed to listen to the first half of every conversation.”