BUSH SPEECHWRITER ADDS FICTION WRITING TO HIS RESUME

In his address to the nation last night, President Bush announced that sending 21,000 American troops to Iraq will bring American forces home faster and help assure survival of Iraq’s democracy. “This stuff is a blast to write,” said the speechwriter. “I just use the President's delusions as a jumping-off point and let my imagination go wild. In fact, under his tutelage, I may have invented a whole new genre—political fantasy horror. I’m thinking of writing a romantic thriller for his next speech, though. It involves some pretzel choking and mouth-to-mouth action between the President and Secretary of State. Condi must decide whether it's in the best interest of the country to revive him or not. But I won't give away the ending.”