CLOSETED GAY CHRISTIANS START NEW POLITICAL PARTY

Closeted gay Christians have launched their own political party that espouses family values, tax cuts for the wealthy, and little government intervention other than to outlaw abortion, stem-cell research, gay marriage and sodomy in the privacy of one’s home. The Grand Ole Demagogues party—known as GOD—will have key operatives throughout the South and in swing-both-way states. The openly gay Log Cabin Republicans are said to vociferously oppose the new party, according to their spokesman. “Until they come out and say, ‘We’re gay, we love Tom DeLay, and we’re here to stay,’ they might as well be your average, garden-variety Republicans,” he said.