FAUX FOIE GRAS TO REPLACE REAL THING

In retaliation for attempting to ban the duck liver delicacy known as foie gras—in which ducks are force-fed obscene amounts in order to be fattened up—top chefs have created a new ‘faux’ foie gras. “If they think Tofurkey is bad, wait till they taste Braunschweiger Gras,” famed chef, Thomas Keller, told his prodigies. “After a few bites of this pathetic concoction, they won’t care how much food is crammed down those poor ducks’ throats. This will teach the food police to stay out of our business once and for all.”