MADONNA REACHES OUT TO ADOPTED SON’S FATHER AND VILLAGE

To compensate the father of Madonna’s newly adopted son, the singer is giving all the Malawi villagers free tickets* to her Madison Square Garden concert**. “David’s father will be fairly compensated for giving up his child now,” said Madonna’s spokesperson. “The tickets sell for $200 apiece, and New York scalpers are getting up to $800 per ticket. We think this is more than equitable. Honestly, David’s father should stop his whining already. If he didn’t understand that he was permanently giving up his child, maybe next time, he’ll Google the word ‘adoption’ before signing on the dotted line.”

* Airfare not included
**Villagers with scheduling conflicts may attend her Royal Albert Hall performance.