OBAMA POISED TO BECOME SECOND BLACK PRESIDENT

Speaking from the old state capital in Springfield, Illinois where Abraham Lincoln once stood, Senator Barack Obama announced that he was ready to become the second black president of the United States. “Abraham Lincoln paved the way for Bill Clinton—our first black president—and we all know how proud President Clinton made us as a nation,” he said to thunderous applause. “President Clinton and I both learned great morality lessons from the Great Emancipator. While mine were gleaned from history books, Bill learned his hands-on in the Lincoln bedroom. If elected president, I only hope I can live up to Clinton’s many seminal achievements.