ROVE’S STRATEGY FOR ANNA NICOLE SMITH DEATH WENT AS PLANNED

Though she never sang for the president on his birthday, the untimely death of Anna Nicole Smith had similarities to the demise of Marilyn Monroe. “It was definitely a government job,” an unidentified source said. “After the fourth U.S. helicopter crashed in Iraq in just three weeks, Karl Rove had to put on his thinking cap real fast. Apparently, the diapered astronaut story he created couldn’t whitewash all the caca coming out of Iraq, so he made sure something even bigger filled the front pages.” The source wouldn’t speculate on how the death was executed, but a passerby at the Florida hotel where Smith died saw a suspicious-looking man get out of a helicopter and enter her room. A few moments later the man yelled, “Jack Daniels downed” as he fled toward the copter with an empty alcohol bottle and pill container.