CHENEY GOES TURDUCKEN HUNTING

Vice President Dick Cheney went turducken ("TURkey-DUck-chiCKEN") hunting yesterday for his family’s Thanksgiving dinner delicacy of a de-boned turkey stuffed with a de-boned duck, which is stuffed with a small de-boned chicken. The Vice President was accompanied by a group of NRA lobbyists who were teaching him how to use a new type of gun designed to shoot through three birds at once, when properly aligned. Cheney was heard telling them, “I don’t give a flying f***k how many birds I kill to get the damn turkey, duck and chicken, but I don’t have a lot of time, so let’s get the show on the road.” As three lobbyists stood in a row, Cheney, in his haste, shot them in the face. While an ambulance rushed the lobbyists off to the hospital, an unfazed Cheney continued fowl hunting. The lobbyists are said to be recovering at the Bethesda Naval Hospital, and the Vice President is purportedly peeved that the turkey eluded him, and his family would be eating ducken on Thanksgiving.