REPUBLICANS THREATENED BY JOHN EDWARDS’ GOOD LOOKS

Top GOP strategists are said to be worried that the release of John Edwards’ new book and his planned appearances will bring more gay Republicans out of the closet, further shaming the party. “Just look at that pretty-boy smile of his,” a well-known, seemingly heterosexual, behind-the-scenes operative was heard telling a prominent Washington hit man. “If you knock out a few of those pearly whites and put some deep gashes into those chiseled cheekbones, we’ll be in business. And while you’re at it, get him to stop talking about poverty. That caring, sensitive crap doesn’t bode well for our ilk.”