KIM JONG-IL LEADS NOVEMBER 7TH CELEBRATION

North Korean leader, Kim Jong-Il—in four-inch heels and extra-hold hair pomade—exuberantly waved the North Korean flag in the main square of Pyongyang and declared November 7th, 2006 to be the end of an era for the imperialists. “Today, North Koreans will celebrate,” he exclaimed. “Kimchi and dog for everyone! Even for the three million starving peasants that I will never acknowledge.” Festivities are said to include a uranium-enriched fireworks show, a short-range missile program and a nuclear spectacular that will be facing west.