CHIRAC MAKES NOVEMBER 7th NEW FRENCH HOLIDAY

A giddy French President, Jacque Chirac, claimed that Tuesday’s election was a long-overdue rebuke of the American cowboy and that Bastille Day would no longer be the most celebrated French holiday. “Zees arrogant preseedent not only tried to ruin zee good name of zee French fry, he tried to give emperors a bad name too. But zose days are gone. Viva la France!” he told a roaring crowd at the Place de la Concorde in Paris. Holiday festivities are said to include feasting on Lame Duck A L’Orange and large servings of Napoleon.