BUSH TO MAKE DOCUMENTARY ON GLOBAL WARRING

Though Al Gore won the popular vote in 2000, his recent popularity has really gotten to the President, according to an inside source. Bush feels slighted by his one-time rival's nominations for an Academy Award and the Nobel Peace Prize. “I want Rove to get a film crew together and have ‘em start filming me talking about global warring," said the President. "Then have him get me one of those NOBEL prizes—peace, literature, medicine, economics—I don’t care which one. And let’s throw in some dancing, so I win a Tony. Say, if Rove needs to pick up any states, have him give Katherine Harris and Ken Blackwell a call. Oh, and line up Latifah to present the awards to me. Mmm. She’s a lotta brown sugar."