DON'T CRY FOR THE BUSH TWINS, ARGENTINA

The U.S. Embassy has asked the Bush twins, who are in Buenos Aires celebrating their 25th birthday, to leave the country at once. “Jenna and Barbara have exhibited embarrassing behavior in many respectable tango bars throughout the city,” said a top diplomat. “It is obvious these girls lack the passion, coordination, artistry and necessary shoes to shine at this subtly nuanced, nationally revered dance. And their failure to discern their left from their right is proof that the apples don’t fall far from the tree. So it is in the best interest of both countries for the twins to leave before they permanently imperil diplomatic relations."