GATES BLAMES TOP COMMANDER FOR WALTER REED DEBACLE

In a swift move to address the inadequate outpatient care at Walter Reed Army Hospital, Defense Secretary Robert M. Gates has demanded accountability. “The care and welfare of our wounded men and women in uniform deserve the highest standard of excellence, and I am deeply disappointed in the actions of our top commanders,” Gates said. “Therefore, I am asking George W. Bush—I mean, George W. Weightman—to step down. I also recommend immediate impeachment proceedings—er, congressional hearings—to investigate the misdeeds.”